But, no matter. Every week I find myself improving in my technique and strength and flexibility, motivating myself to get fit and get to the place where I want to be (which is secretly what I've always wanted: to be happy with how my body looks).
Now, here's the funny thing... Two years ago, if you were to tell me that I would be dancing competitively on a competition team, I would have laughed in your face. I didn't even want to take the recreational classes in the first place. My sister signed up for a couple, and my mom was like, "Why don't you sign up for a Jazz class? You need some form of exercise during the week." And I was like, "But moooooom, I get exercise everyday. I run downstairs to get a snack every now and then."
But I eventually said yes, and it became a once-a-week sorta thing, just for me to get some physical activity in my schedule. I definitely don't regret it.
Though, at times it's reaaallyyy hard. I'm not the skinniest girl out there, especially in the dance world. And no matter how hard I work, how much I point my feet and squeeze my muscles and spot my head, I'm not where I need to be. And it sucks. It lowers my self-esteem and self-confidence.
And I'm a people-pleaser. It's just who I am. So when I mess up a step in class or stumble or do anything that is the opposite of what I'm supposed to do, I feel like curling into a little ball and crying. I failed her, I think. I'm a terrible person. But I need - NEED - to get rid of that mentality that messing up is the end of the world.
You know how sometimes you have those days where you're like, "Heck yeah, I'm one bammin', slammin' piece of awesome. LOOK HOW AWESOME I AM AT THAT THING!" And then there's days where you're like, "Ewww, what is wrong with me? I can't even do the thing that I thought I could do. No wonder everyone thinks I'm weird."
I feel like that a lot. It's just another thing on the list of things I've got to work on.
Blaaaah. I think my posts are gonna sound like these a lot. Well, I don't have anywhere else to put my thoughts. It's gotta be somewhere, right?
Right.
Now, here's the funny thing... Two years ago, if you were to tell me that I would be dancing competitively on a competition team, I would have laughed in your face. I didn't even want to take the recreational classes in the first place. My sister signed up for a couple, and my mom was like, "Why don't you sign up for a Jazz class? You need some form of exercise during the week." And I was like, "But moooooom, I get exercise everyday. I run downstairs to get a snack every now and then."
But I eventually said yes, and it became a once-a-week sorta thing, just for me to get some physical activity in my schedule. I definitely don't regret it.
Though, at times it's reaaallyyy hard. I'm not the skinniest girl out there, especially in the dance world. And no matter how hard I work, how much I point my feet and squeeze my muscles and spot my head, I'm not where I need to be. And it sucks. It lowers my self-esteem and self-confidence.
And I'm a people-pleaser. It's just who I am. So when I mess up a step in class or stumble or do anything that is the opposite of what I'm supposed to do, I feel like curling into a little ball and crying. I failed her, I think. I'm a terrible person. But I need - NEED - to get rid of that mentality that messing up is the end of the world.
You know how sometimes you have those days where you're like, "Heck yeah, I'm one bammin', slammin' piece of awesome. LOOK HOW AWESOME I AM AT THAT THING!" And then there's days where you're like, "Ewww, what is wrong with me? I can't even do the thing that I thought I could do. No wonder everyone thinks I'm weird."
I feel like that a lot. It's just another thing on the list of things I've got to work on.
Blaaaah. I think my posts are gonna sound like these a lot. Well, I don't have anywhere else to put my thoughts. It's gotta be somewhere, right?
Right.
