What If?

It's funny... I always say, "Oh, I'm gonna make this really cool blog and write out my feelings and my issues and problems and stuff about life it's gonna make me feel a whole lot better!" and blah blah blah, etc. etc.

And then I end up forgetting about it for 4 months.

Well. It's time to keep this consistent. And this time, I mean it.


......... Let's talk about something.


I recently saw the movie Frozen from Disney, and let me tell you... It was such a beautiful movie. The scenery and the colors and the lighting and the story line and the characters... Oof. They were all so gorgeous. As I was watching it, I was getting giddy, knowing that maybe, just maybe, one day I'd be working on movies just like that.

For the longest time, I've wanted to become an animator. I always had a special appreciation for those cartoon movies from all those different animation companies. I'm pretty much the only one in my family that begs to go to the movie theatre when a new animated movie comes out. I can just... see myself working at one of those companies, creating new ideas and new things and turning them into my own works of art.

It's just... tough right now. I can see myself working there in the future, absolutely, but right now, I see (in myself) lack of artistic skill, lack of technique, lack of growth in my art form. It really frustrates me because I know I have what it takes to become great, but I have so much work cut out for me and it scares me.

What if I can't do what all those great animators did to get to where they are today? What if it's so complex and complicated that it's beyond my comprehension? What if I don't get into the college of my dreams because my portfolio isn't good enough? I have to start building my portfolio someday, I mean, I'm already a sophomore. Two years away from graduating. How the hell am I gonna improve in that little time?

It stresses me every now and then... I forget about it for a while, go about my regular life, and then BAM. It hits me again and I worry. I worry and worry and worry like no one else, let me tell you.

And I rarely let anyone know about it. Only my closest family knows (which is like two people ha.) and even then, I don't get the reassurance I think I need.

I guess only God can give that to me.




Being an artist is tough.